Dear Diary & Videos

  • Natalie Bonkowski

Hiding in the Jacket

Updated: Jul 27

The last few years, I am cold all the time. Any place cooler than 75 degrees and I am cold. I typically wear a sweater in the office. But only a few years ago, a sweater or jacket worn by me wasn’t only for the temperature.

I wore a jacket or sweater to hide my body. Yep, just said it. Glad I got that off my chest. Anytime I was feeling frumpy, I just put on my jacket. Sometimes I wore my jacket and was sweating inside. I hated myself so much, I hid.

Funny thing is, the jacket only made me look bigger. But it made me more comfortable. More comfortable and took away the some of the pain until I could eat again. Yes, you heard that right. Until I could go home, to my pantry, and use food to numb the pain of hating myself.

It was a cycle and I could not get out. I was on the hamster wheel of hate, food, comfort. Every single day. Night eating became a habit to cure whatever emotion I was feeling at that moment.

Listen, I am convinced that if you find yourself eating after dinner every night, you’ve got something going on.

We eat for two reasons:

1. To fuel the body which cures the feeling of hunger

2. To cure some other feeling

What are those other feelings you are trying to change? Sadness, Boredom, Depression, Frustration, Hate, Anger?

The two feelings I tried to cure the most were probably boredom and hate towards myself. Those two things drove me to eating and I could not stop. Life should not be that way! There is a way out! For me, finding the brokenness in my foundation and replacing it with thoughts that serve me were my answer.

Listen friends, take the jacket off. You are beautiful. You have beauty. Look in the mirror and see it. It’s there. You were not meant to be covered up. Walk proud in the body God gave you. God don’t make mistakes. You were created for a purpose and you were given your attributes for a reason. Love them. You are an original, not a copy. Stop trying to be someone else.

Trying to hide in a jacket.

If you are struggling or hiding in a jacket, book a free session with me. Let’s bury those lies that you aren’t pretty enough or good enough. Let’s focus on those gifts that were given to you. Let’s lift you up! You can book here,

#balanceandbabysteps #healthcoach #hiding #jacket #loveyourself

About Me

After 20 years of dieting, frustration, self-confidence and body image issues, I found myself as a contestant in a transformation contest. I stepped on stage in a bikini and dark tan and won 5th place. Walked off stage, started eating, and gained 50 pounds in a year. I felt so defeated, lost, miserable, and out of control.  

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Matthew 17:20

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

A Health Coach or Life Coach is a tool to help you realize your goals, support you, and help you create habit change. We are not doctors or nutritionists. We cannot provide professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information you receive from me is based on my personal experiences, studies of others, and training received from health coach and life coach school. Always consult with your doctor before making changes to your health and wellness plan.

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