Dear Diary & Videos

  • Natalie Bonkowski

Yes, I know I'm crazy

Dear Diary:

This week I did something that is out of the norm for me. Most of you will think, I am crazy. How does she even think this is an issue? Well, my personality is unique. We are all unique. We are all very different. One of my personality types is "fearful." I would much rather hide behind all of my accomplishments and achievements than to let you all know that I am fearful in many aspects of my life.

This fear that I am speaking of is different than the fear of spiders or snakes. This fear that I have struggled with for a long time is the fear of people. The fear of people judging me. The fear of looking stupid. The fear of trying something and people laughing at me. The fear of walking into a public place alone. The fear of being wrong.

(Why again, did I decide to put this out here? Right now, only 4 people know this site exists, so it's a little easier just letting it all go. I know I need to share in order to help. If I am going through this, then there's bound to be at least one person out there that can relate.)

Back to FEAR! That four letter word is NOT going to hold me back from being who I am supposed to be. That four letter word will not keep me from living my dream. That four letter word WILL NOT DEFINE me! In my quest to overcome fear, I am taking one step at a time to punch it in the face.

This past week, I went to a water park with my daughter. Just her & me. This was a step for me against fear. It may not sound like much to you, but to me it was. I have always felt like I have to be with another adult to go somewhere like that. I can't exactly pinpoint my fear. I know that going to a public place alone has always made me fear that people were judging me by being alone. Makes no sense, I know. But that's how I have always felt. So maybe being with just the kids, it's been the same kind of feeling.

Olivia & Me at the Waterpark

What I do know, is I left the water park empowered. Empowered to be me. Be who I am supposed to be. I am me. Take me or leave me. I will be fearless. Next on my list-go to a sit down restaurant alone. Wish me luck!

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

#balanceandbabysteps #fearless #beme

About Me

After 20 years of dieting, frustration, self-confidence and body image issues, I found myself as a contestant in a transformation contest. I stepped on stage in a bikini and dark tan and won 5th place. Walked off stage, started eating, and gained 50 pounds in a year. I felt so defeated, lost, miserable, and out of control.  

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Matthew 17:20

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

A Health Coach or Life Coach is a tool to help you realize your goals, support you, and help you create habit change. We are not doctors or nutritionists. We cannot provide professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The information you receive from me is based on my personal experiences, studies of others, and training received from health coach and life coach school. Always consult with your doctor before making changes to your health and wellness plan.

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