I was talking with a friend about keto birthday cakes. Her husband is keto, and she wanted to make him something sweet. As we talked, our conversation led to diets and what works. I loved hearing how she found what works for her. For her, restriction of certain foods doesn’t work, and she’s found that watching her calorie intake is the answer to her life with food.
What I love most about this is that she is AWARE of what works for her. She’s not quick to jump on the next “get quick” weight loss diet. She knows her body and knows herself.
As we spoke, our conversation drifted to what was my current “diet.” I thought I’d share with you what I shared during our conversation.
I have come to the terms with what broke my foundation as a young girl. Two words, “Fat Nat”, a nickname, in sixth grade did more damage that I could ever dream. And as a teen girl, I heard someone tell my mom, “if she would just lose a little weight, the boys would be chasing her.” I let those few words settle deep down in my heart and tell me that I wasn’t good enough for many, many years. I chased weight loss because I thought I wasn’t good enough. I chased goals to prove I was a good person. I chased titles to prove I was smart.
You can’t fix 25 years of habits overnight. Habits that evolved because you were trying to prove yourself. Acceptance and self-love don’t just show up one day because you say so. It takes work. It takes listening to the right stuff and hearing of God’s love. It takes breaking the habits of going to the pantry to comfort feelings that you’ve had for a long time.
And just when you thought you’ve fixed your pantry binge-eating, depression caused by attitudes towards something, like, your job, set in and send you back to the pantry. Yep, it will always be a struggle.
But here’s the deal. If you keep working, keep trying and don’t give up then things start to change, slowly. For instance, your seasons of binge eating are smaller, and your seasons of eating right are bigger. You feel love for yourself more often than not, and your thinking starts to shift. You know you are good enough, exactly the way you are. The scale or someone’s opinion of you does not change your thoughts of yourself. You become confident in your skin, no matter how many rolls or wrinkles. You start to want to take care of yourself for your health because you love yourself!
So, to answer the question, where exactly am I right now? I am on my individual road. And here’s what that looks like. Most days I love me. I look in the mirror and see my rolls and my curves. It’s part of me. I am a beautiful person with a great heart. God doesn’t make mistakes. He made me on purpose with a plan.
Psalm 139:14
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Eating has been my biggest struggle. Let me correct that, OVER-eating has been my life long struggle. Now days, I am not restricting anything. In my mind, I can eat anything I want. But I focus on eating intuitively. I try to eat only when I am hungry and stop when I am full. I know veggies and water make me feel great, so I try to focus on adding veggies to meals and continue to drink more water.
Notice, I “try.” There are no rules to my “diet,” and I do the best I can. There’s no more beating myself up for eating something “bad” and I have peace with food. I am working hard on removing the word "bad" when referring to food.
There’s also a new found peace with the speed of my journey. My road will always be there before me. Some days my road will be straight, or curvy and narrow, or days there will be mountains at my feet, but I know I am right where I am for a reason. His plan for me is to keep going, keep trying, and keep focusing on Jesus. He is my strength that helps me take each step every day.
I am happy to not be racing anyone, anymore. I am living my life and doing the best I can with where I am, at this moment. Some days I feel like I take several steps forward and other days, I take steps backwards. I will never be perfect. But I don’t want to be perfect, anymore. I’ve lived with that pressure for too many years. Life will always be challenging and all I can do is keep trying and do my best.
There you have it! That’s where I am. My favorite children’s book is The Tortoise and the Hare. Every time I think my pace is too slow, I focus on that Tortoise. I keep a copy of the book on my shelf to remind me to keep going. The Tortoise wins!
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