I long for days of structure. The days where everything has a time, and everything fits perfectly on that time slot on the calendar. The thing you are scheduled to do goes according to plan and finishes up right on time, so you have exactly enough time to start the next thing on the schedule.
Days of family dinners, piping hot meals set on the table promptly at 6:00 pm. The kids excitedly take their showers at 8:00 pm so that we can sit as a family and talk about our day, read the Bible, and pray. Oh, and lights out at 10:00 pm and every eye in the house collapses into a deep, restful sleep.
Somebody slap me, I must be dreaming again. Days of structure seem so perfect.
Working from home, a teen and a preteen that have sports, places to be, and an inconsistent bedtime have me longing for structure.
I have read all the self-help books that preach the importance of structure. Most successful people get up early, make time that for things that are important for their goals, and have structure in their life.
I chase structure. Yep, I said it. I chase structure. But structure doesn’t chase me.
While I was out for a walk, (I had it scheduled for 11 am, but it did not happen until 1 pm, surprised it even happened today) I was praying and thinking, and something came to mind. What if I am not allowed structure at this point in my life because God is not allowing it right now?
When I have these types of thoughts, I end up analyzing them for days. Here’s what I have come up with.
What if, as I am learning to lean on Christ and go to Christ for everything, maybe he does not want me to have structure because I will get so caught up in my structure and my plan that I won’t listen to Him? If it is written in ink, maybe I will not be free to do the things I am called. Maybe His nudges or the thoughts He puts in my heart will not be acted upon if I am not free to do His will.
Or what if, He is allowing me to not have structure and tasks to mark off my list so that I will put more effort and love into my kids who are only living in my house for a short time. These babies grow up and us parents have lots of work to do while they are under our roof. We must give them time and love so that they will grow up to do the same.
Hum. Maybe I need to embrace the lack of structure.
Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying having structure in our life is bad. I am saying that right now, today, in my life, I do not have structure because I need to seek Him first. I need to learn to let the Holy Spirit lead my life instead of me! #FocusonHim