It's been a few weeks since I decided it's time to do the work again. Something (the man upstairs) told me it's time..."you've spent 5 years researching, studying your body, and now is the time to do what you are supposed to do. Do the work and lose weight again."
My intentions are completely different this time. There's no rush (habit change takes time) and I don't feel the need to drastically change my outer appearance. Today, I am currently healthy. No longer pre-diabetic and blood work is good. However, my heart needs cardio and I need to lose a little weight to stay healthy. My body doesn't need to carry around a bunch of excess weight.
The scale has dropped the last few weeks. I still don't know my weight. I hop on the scale and I don't look! My husband records the weight in his super secret place and tells me if I'm on track. I do not need to know the number! I do not need to be defined by that number! I DO want to know if my journey is on the right track. (Listen, I'm an accountant---numbers will always be an important part of my life.)
This weekend I felt a little uncomfortable with the foods I ate. I eat guilt free ever since I got rid of "diets." I pay attention to what goes into my body. Then at times, I have things that aren't great for me. But it's ok, because the majority of the time, I am eating foods that fuel me and help me. I'll share more about my eating in another post.
We celebrated my husband's birthday this weekend. Saturday night I had dessert. That was fine. What bothers me is I had dessert again on Sunday. I typically don't eat "dessert" two days in a row. I still ate it "guilt free," but afterwards my stomach hurt. I was uncomfortable and feeling like maybe I shouldn't have had that.
Through the years I have learned that the minute I start to beat myself up, I'll end up in the pantry binge eating. So I didn't beat myself up. I told myself, it tasted good, and now I'm done and I'll move on.
So the real question is, what about Monday? Did I truly listen to myself and move on? Or did I eat more of the junk that was left over from the party?
I am happy to say that I packed my normal breakfast and lunch. Protein coffee first thing, then meat, veggies, and a protein bar for lunch. That works for me! My dinner was early at 5:30 because I was hungry! I had bacon, cheese, handful of chips, and a little bread. I threw away the other piece of bread I had pulled out for myself. I was full and as I was putting it in my mouth, I thought...this isn't worth it. It wasn't that good.
I am pleased with my choices. You may be thinking...but you had chips and bread. Listen, if I go 100% strict...I will be binge eating. I know me!!! This is my journey. I am on track to keep losing weight this week. I stopped when I was full. I knew when to stop, that's huge for me!
This process is all about balance and baby steps and not doing something only for a little bit. This is me making habit changes. This is me listening to my body. This is freedom from food and the pain it has always caused me. This is my story.
