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Dear Diary & Videos

Five Years Ago...A Stage, a Bikini and a Tan

Updated: Jul 27, 2020

Five years ago, yesterday, I walked on stage in a bikini and dark tan for a transformation contest. I worked really hard the 6 months prior to transform my body. I should have been proud of myself. But I remember that day being so disappointed in myself for not doing better. I remember still being so insecure and worrying about what everyone was thinking about me. My sister and friends tagged me on Facebook and I remember hiding those pictures from my timeline. I didn’t want anyone to see me.

This transformation was huge for me. I won 5th place. The lowest of my adult weight, ever. I should have been so happy.

I remember the week after the contest and going back to the gym to workout. I sat and cried with my trainer for an hour. I was miserable. I hated me. I couldn’t control myself around food. I was eating, and my body was gaining quickly. The next year I gained 50 pounds back.

Somewhere in that year after the contest, I promised to never, ever lose weight again until I could figure out why I couldn’t keep it off. Why would I go through all that work again, for nothing? This was the cycle of my life. I’ve successfully done every diet since I was 16. But never, kept it off.

One day I stumbled across Health Coach Institute. Their program promised I’d find what’s been stopping me from keeping weight off and how I could help others. Their program was amazing. I learned so much about the power of hormones, the way wrong foods can control the brain, and how our bodies are unique to everyone else. I was privileged to practice coaching techniques with so many other soon-to-be coaches and in the process learn so much about myself.

I learned there was work to be done on my heart, my thoughts of myself and my foundation. I had to find true love for me. I had to throw diets out the window and find a way of sustainable eating for me. I knew I had to truly put Jesus first in my life and trust that he would help me find my healthy way.

Over the last few years, I have done so much personal development. Between books, devotions, the Bible, prayer, Facebook feeds of positive people, I am finally happy with myself. The number on the scale doesn't matter and I am finding health and wellness without obsessing about dieting or what I look like. I am focusing on foods that make me feel good and movement (exercise) that's fun. My journey has never been easy and I know it will always be something I must work towards. But, I am dedicated to continuing to find my way and bettering myself.

I completed my Health Coaching Certification in 2016 and just recently my Life Coaching Certification. I am so excited to help others on their health and wellness journey. If my story resonates at all with you, follow my journey here on my website. I am trying to post multiple times a week. It’s been hard to be so honest about my feelings, but I know letting my story out, will free me and hopefully help you in the process!

5th Place - Transformation Contest 2013

This is one of the pictures hidden from my Facebook feed. I should have been so proud of my journey. But instead I was ashamed. I never thought I was good enough.


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