Dear Diary & Videos

  • Natalie Bonkowski

Faith Brings Joy

Updated: Jul 27

My day was just beginning. The kids were dropped off at school and I pulled in the driveway ready to rush in the house and start my to-dos for the day. As I stopped the car I sat for a moment and thought I do not want to. I do not want to anymore. The to-dos. The rush. The one million different things. I set my expectations way too high and I dream way too big and then I am frustrated that I cannot keep up with anything.


That is when I shut down. I go to the fridge. I search out the chocolate. The pity party starts.


Today, I started to wonder.


Why do I have all the dreams, but I apparently do not prioritize my time?


Why do I feel pulled to be a parent that is present every second of my kid’s time away from school only to feel left unfilled in my own life with my own dreams?


Why are there so many deadlines and appointments and things that must be done?


Why are there so many problems in all our lives, some things left unspoken, that are uncontrollable but cause so many heartaches?


Why do we have to live in such a busy world?


Why has my joy been stripped and how do I get it back?


The last year has been quite a year. Pain and hurt I cannot explain. My heart has been broken and I am still picking up the pieces.


I am supposed to be a life coach, a health coach, a motivational truth speaker. But I do not have anything positive to say right now. I do not have the joy or happiness I try to preach. So, I stay silent.


As I sit in the driveway, I look at my phone…there is the scripture of the day on my screen.


Romans 5:3-5

3 We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.

4 And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.

5 And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Next, I go in the house and open my Bible so I can read the entire chapter. Then I see this title:


Faith Brings Joy


Faith. Where has my faith been this week? Why is today exceptionally difficult? Hum, let’s see.


It has been over a week since I have spent any time reading the Bible or setting aside time specifically in prayer.


The one thing I have learned over the last few years is that if I spend time in the Word, my Faith is strong. When I neglect my time reading the Word, my world falls apart. My perspective on things is different.


I am human. I fall into the world’s lies and get caught up in the fear, disappointment, and sorrow that the world has to offer. I fail to spend my time reading, remembering and standing on the Word. The Word of promises that is given by our Father above.


Yes, life sucks. Yes, life is hard. Yes, we will have circumstances that will tear us down. But God can lift us back up. He has given us eternal joy and happiness that cannot be stripped away.


And as I look at my phone again and open Facebook. What do I see? A picture with the words, “Always Put God First.” Yep, that is what has been missing the last few weeks that brought me to my breaking point, again. I have not focused enough on God, but I have obsessed about my problems.


As I plan the rest of my week, I put God first. At the first of my schedule. 5:00 am. Before the sun comes up. Just God, me and my Bible. Scheduled in Ink.




About Me

After 20 years of dieting, frustration, self-confidence and body image issues, I found myself as a contestant in a transformation contest. I stepped on stage in a bikini and dark tan and won 5th place. Walked off stage, started eating, and gained 50 pounds in a year. I felt so defeated, lost, miserable, and out of control.  

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Matthew 17:20

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

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